Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
