woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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