new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
