So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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