After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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