he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
