He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
