Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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