if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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