just tell him i said nine months
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
