A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
