My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
