I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
