I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
