Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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