she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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