On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
should my penis look like a turkey
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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