so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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