omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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