Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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