I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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