Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
