She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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