Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
