"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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