in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
