I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She needs sedatives and a leash
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize