So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
