i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
