Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i think my cat just said my name.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
