I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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