haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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