apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize