omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
