Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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