i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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