fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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