is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I party with great urgency now.
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