he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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