I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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