please come you make the beer taste better
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
