forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
