Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
