She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
time to smoke my breakfast
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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