Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have demons in me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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