Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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