Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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