Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
