she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
