there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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