Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
