So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
