You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
