is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
time to smoke my breakfast
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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