woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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