I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
