Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
