he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
