Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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