ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
