Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
