I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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