I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
