This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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