the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
