There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
