Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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