If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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