Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
