Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
