i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
