Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
