I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
