i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
